What Matters to You is What Affects You
That you react to a thing (are triggered) says that you hold a belief somewhere that the “trigger” matters (event, thing, person etc.) If you decide that the thing doesn’t matter, then the reaction loses its charge.
If you find yourself reacting to something emotionally, habitually, and you want to remove that experience of pain, remove the significance of the thing you are reacting to, say “It doesn’t matter”. When it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t affect you. You may then realize WHY you have decided it matters. (I need things/people/relationships to be a certain way.) You may think it needs to matter. But if you see this, you will also see that you are CHOOSING for it to matter. Thus, you are choosing to give it the power to cause you to react. The whole cycle is created and destroyed by what we’ve decided matters. Whatever the reason or story behind why, it is being given that power by YOU. Therefor you are subjecting your emotional well-being to this trigger yourself.
We are not saying that the reaction to the event or trigger doesn’t matter. That is our inner response to finding an outer condition or experience of reality to be a condition upon which we will base our inner sense of well-being. So, the whole process is very simple. We have to be present enough to bear witness to ourselves in those moments we find ourselves triggered, or emotionally reacting, maybe through a story in our minds, and remember to remove the power from the trigger by removing its significance to our inner joy. We may think we have a good reason to let it have that effect on us, but then we are consciously choosing to be subject to something we have no control over.
When we remove its significance, we remove its effect. Whatever reaction we used to have is nullified by this. We remain in a more consistent state. It’s almost as if it didn’t even happen. This thing which used to trigger us is neutralized in effect.
Prior to this awareness we were unconsciously giving it power to decide our inner state of well-being.
When we say “It doesn’t matter” we are not saying it with a sense of defeat but empowerment. We are saying “THAT thing has NO bearing on my sense of well-being.”
PET PEEVS: These are specific ways we think life should happen that become points of vulnerability due to their rigidity. Imagine we are a fluid, and these particulars are holding pins or frozen points in the fluid, attempting to suggest that a quality of our existence cannot express but one particular way or it will upset us. Since we are fluid, these fixed points have to be held in place constantly. It’s exhausting because it’s unnatural. Saying “It doesn’t matter actually” is letting that point take on any form, in essence releasing our grip on how life “should be” and removing its effect on us because we’ve released our grip on it. Even if we recognize that it is INTELLIGENCE we are suggesting is how it “should be” we must realize that Foolishness is a part of life and it’s not going to cease to be what it is just because we recognize that intelligence is not being followed. Therefor it is a practice of acceptance. In the name of inner peace, we don’t try to fix existence or fault it. It is what it is. It can only bother us if we let it. If we decide it must, for this reason or that.
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